Back From the Dead
by marie05
Summary: Buffy's return from heaven goes a little differently than Joss Whedon's portrayal. BA


**Back From the Dead**

Love, an experience more painful than any other. At least it seems that way to me. Maybe it is because I'm the slayer, I'm different. Willow and Tara seem happy and oddly, so do Anya and Xander. But all my love, for my mother, for my sister, for Angel, it's all an ache deep inside. And no one knows, no one can ever know just how much it hurts because then they'll know something else. It's their fault it hurts. I was in heaven. They they tore me out.

I'm not supposed to be in this world. I don't belong. Am I even real? Like a vampire I had to dig my way out of my grave. No thoughts existed. Only the insistence of my lungs to breathe. And suddenly I was out. The wind blew against my bare skin. The world was so bright. There was fires, there was hurt. I fought;I caused pain. My friends were happy that I was back.

Instinct told me to go to Angel. Instinct had always told me to go to Angel, but before I had been able to ignore it. I couldn't ignore it this time. I began walking to L.A. Walking to Angel.

* * *

Angel felt the tug on his own soul as Buffy took in her first breathe. He knew that Buffy was alive and he knew that she needed his help. He hopped into his car and began speeding to the home of his love. 

"Buffy?" He whispered quietly, afraid he might startle her into runing away. She stared at him blankly. He couldn't tell if she recognized him or not. Did she even know who she was? "Buffy?"

She fell to the ground choking on tears, "Oh, God!"

Angel rushed to her broken body and held her in his arms until she stopped crying.

She finally looked up at him, "Angel?"

He knew what her question was and he answered with a slight nod.

She moved her hands over his chest, "Angel!" She moved her hand directly over his heart, which now thumped against his chest and her hand, "How? When? Why?"

He smiled, happy to see the animation in her eyes. "I don't know how or why, butI woke up out of breath and knowing that you were alive."

"Oh, Angel. It's horrible. I was . . . I was dead. And . . . And then I . . . I wasn't. I was . . ."She looked up at him, "I had to dig my way out Angel. I woke up and I was in my grave." She broke into silent tears again.

He lifted her bloody hands to his lips, kissing her wounds. "Buffy it'll be alright. Were you . . ." He paused, "You were," He paused again, "You weren't in hell were you?" He finished it more like a statement than the question it was. She was all that was good. She was his light. Of course she wouldn't have gone to hell.

"Angel?" Buffy's voice was still very soft.

"Buffy?" He answered, mirroring her query.

"I . . ." she stumbled overthe words, " I wasn't in hell Angel."

He inclined his head towards her, "I know Buffy."

"Angel?"

"What Buffy?"

"I don't want to go back Angel. I don't want to go back. They tore me out of Heaven Angel. It hurts now. Everything hurts." Tears welled up in her large hazel eyes.

Angel kissed them away as they began rolling down her cheeks. "They thought you were in Hell Buffy. Your friends were just trying to help."

"I know, but . . ."

When she didn't finish he let the silence fill the air knowing that anything he said wouldn't help. All he could do was take care of her, keep her safe while she got better. He wrapped his arm around her and slowly led her back to his car. "Buffy? Do you want to go home or to my hotel?"

"Hotel. I just . . . I can't face them yet."

* * *

**One Week Later**

Buffy showered and dressed herself, then went down the giant staircase into Angel's 'office.' "Hi?" She asked shyly, not wanting to interrupt anything important.

Cordelia sat at the desk talking rapidly on the phone, it sounded like she was trying to reassure the person. Buffy couldn't believe her ears. Cordy's speech slowed as she looked up at Buffy, and on the phone she finished with a huff, "Look Lady! Angel's getting there as fast as he can. Get over it!" Slamming the phone down she smiled brightly at Buffy, "Nice to see you alive! Angels gone right now though."

Buffy couldn't help but smile back, "That's okay. I just didn't want to be up there all alone anymore."

"Oh . . . umm . .. Okay . . ." For once Cordy didn't know what to say.

Buffy, too, was hesistant as she flashed Angels platinum card, "He gave this to me to use and I thought maybe . . . we could go shopping?" Cordelia looked at her in shock, so Buffy felt the need toexplain, " I didn't exactly bring any clothes with me, thats why, I mean," Buffy gave a frustrated sigh, "Do you have to look so shocked?"

"It's not that you want to shopping a week after you woke up from the dead it's, that . . .Well, Angel never gives **_me_** his credit card and I ruin _tons_ of my clothes helping him. Some of that goo never comes out!

"Oh . .." Buffy still wasn't comfortable talking to people. That was part of why she liked Angel, staying here with Angel. They could sit in silence and be completely comfortable. They didn't have to talk. And most often they didn't.

Cordelia grabbed her purse and was dragging Buffy out the door before anything bad could happen. As a veteran of the war against evil she knew that shopping trips were always interupted by evil creepy/gooey things.

Almost 5 hours later they came back to the hotel loaded down with bags and talking to each other like they'd been best friends their entire lives. Angel stood in the center of the large room looking up at the ceiling in amazement. Both Buffy and Cordelia looked up to see what he was looking at but neither of them could see whater it was.

"Angel?" Buffy was thinking maybe their was some demon that she couldn't see.

"Angel?" Cordelia was thinking that maybe he had finally lost it.

"The Oracles jsut visited us." He sounded disbelieving.

"Oh, great! What do the PTB want now?" They'd already given her head splitting headaches, she didn't think she could handle another so-called 'gift'.

"The Oracles?" Deep inside Buffy knew she had heard of them before, but she couldn't remember when or why.

"They explained this," Angel motion widely with his hands,"Everything. What's happened to us, why it's happened. They said . . ." Angel sat down on one of the couches and the two girls copied him sitting in the chairs across from him. "They said . . ."

Buffy looked at him expctantly while Cordy looked on exasperated, "Spit it out already. You may be immortal, but I'm not!"

Angel smiled, That's just it. I'm not. Immortal, I mean. I'm human . . . mostly. The PTB gave me back my humanity when they gave Buffy's, yours," he looked at her, "back. They know that she wouldn't survive torn from heaven ifher soulmatecouldn't be there for her, but. . ."

Buffy smiled in sorrow, there was always a but, they wouldn't ever let her be happy.

Angel saw the sadness in Buffys eyes and in her smile, so he stood up and walked closer to her, kneeling on the ground in front of her so he could look her in the eyes. "This is a good but, Buffy. I promise, " He smiled that secret smile of his, the one he only did for her, and she couldn't help but be hopeful.

"But . .. They knew that as a normal human I wouldn't do any good in the upcoming battles. They allowed me to keep all the good things about being a vampire; the strength, the stamina," Buffy blushed and Cordelia rolled her eyes, "the eyesight, everything I need to protect the people I love."

Cordelia stood up, "I'm glad the two of you got this chance. Both of you, more than anyone in this world, deserve some good things. I'm gonna' leave you two alone now, so," she flipped her hair and started out the door, "don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

Alone, they stared at each other.

Angel broke the tense quiet, "Buffy. It's your choice, whatever we do it'll be because it's what you want."

Buffy's eyes teared up because Angel was looking at her as if she was about to send him to Hell again, "Angel... All I ever wanted was you."

"Oh Thank God Buffy!" He leaned in and began kissing her. She responded by leaning back and pulling him closer. "Buffy . . ." she was lost in his kiss so he didn't bother trying to talk. He gathered her in his arms and carried her up the stairway to his bedroom.

She looked up at him, "Angel?" He looked down at her, he couldn't believe how beautiful she really was, "Heaven was nice, you know, pleasant, peaceful. But, " she bit her lip, "Every moment in your arms is at least 10 times better because when I'm with you that's perfect happiness." She kissed him lightly on the lips as they entered his bedroom. "There's nothing better."

The End


End file.
